It took me 3 kids but I have finally found out how to put a happy baby to sleep

It took me three babies to find a way to have my baby nap without crying! Phoebe is now 6 months and three times a day, I put her down for a nap and… end of story! After years of walking around with my babies in dark rooms, swaying them to sleep, singing lullabies and eventually giving up and boobing them to sleep, I  found out what I was doing wrong: I was hoping to catch a train in a calm fashion but was rushing and barely making it to the platform… let me explain.

There’s no right or wrong

First off, I want to clarify that there are no right or wrong sleeping habits. It depends on what fits your family routine. If you don’t mind nursing your baby to sleep and it works for you then, please keep doing so. I would describe myself as a very mindful parent, I find attachment extremely important and follow my baby’s rhythm. On the other hand I had a baby on my hands that at 5 months refused to sleep during the day at all. We laughingly called it FOMO but I really believe that sleeping is extremely important for a baby, to heal, to develop. That’s why I do choose to help our babies to establish healthy sleeping routines.

Don’t start too early

I’m far from a sleep trainer, I only just recently read some guides. Also the ones that were out of my comfort zone, just to see what they were about. I got some good tips from those too. Almost all of them start after 4 months. Why? Because at four months your baby will go through a developmental leap that goes hand in hand with a sleep regression. Any routine you’ve built up by then, will be lost.  Moreover, it is completely normal and healthy for a baby to want to stay close to her mom the first months. This period is often called the fourth trimester. It is important to follow your baby’s rhythm and hold her close as much as you can. It doesn’t only help with attachment, bonding and breastfeeding but will even help to develop her brain.

Naps guide the way to better nights

In my experience tackling day time naps leads to better nights. That’s why I like to focus on those first. Moreover, I am very patient and relaxed when it comes to doing nights with babies. It is completely normal for your baby to wake up at night. With breastfeeding especially, it is even healthy for their brain development. Some babies are naturals and immediately sleep longer stretches, others will have to learn this skill, just like they will have to learn how to crawl or walk. In my opinion, they can use some guidance but I’m more for a gentle approach so to say. Babies and kids crave routine, it makes them happy, so besides lots of babywearing and breastfeeding, I like to offer our kids that too.

Phoebe was an amazing sleeper the first few months. She slept 5-6 hour stretches, I didn’t know that was even possible! Elliot and Amelia were terrible sleepers the first year (read more here). The four month sleep regression, however, hit us hard. As expected, Phoebe started to nurse every two hours like a newborn again, and I was unable to put her down in her crib. Especially frustrating though, was the fact that a month after this developmental leap, our routine was still completely gone. It was difficult because I couldn’t get anything done and trying to get Phoebe to nap had become a full-time job. I don’t like to let our babies cry so most of the time I would give up and boob her to sleep. The problem with that is that when she briefly wakes after a sleep cycle, she can’t get back to sleep because she only then realizes that I’m gone and she’s in her bed. 45 minute naps are not enough for a little baby.

This works: the train metaphor

Other moms kept telling me to check out her “daytime awake time” (Dutch: wakkertijden). I was convinced I was reading her signals correctly though. At her first sign of sleepiness I started our bedtime routine. Little did I know, I was already running late by that point. Googling daytime awake times opened a whole new world to me. First of all, I had grossly been overestimating the time she could stay awake inbetween naps. Secondly, there was the train metaphor that really hit home. Say, you have a nine o’clock train to catch. You don’t want to rush onto the platform, as you see the train arriving, or worse leaving. Instead you want to be on the platform, with everything ready, calmly waiting to board, only then will you have a serene ride. It’s the same with naps. That was such an eye-opener!

Check the clock instead of waiting for your baby’s cues

Apparently a 5-month-old’s awake time is around 1,5 hours. And I had been keeping Phoebe up 2,5 hours! So now, I started checking the clock instead of waiting for her signals. It felt so unnatural and funny to put Phoebe in bed by nine o’clock in the morning, while she was still awake and full of giggles. But I set that feeling aside and pushed myself. Right in the middle of that 1,5 hours of awake time, I had nursed her. At ten to nine, I changed her diaper. Upstairs we closed the blinds together, I put on her sleeping bag on our bed and then I put her in her bed (she sleeps in our bedroom) with her bunny in one hand and her paci in the other. “Sleep tight, Phoebe”, I said while walking out of the room. Not in a thousand years, did I think this was going to work. She was all smiles, I heard her giggle and “talk” to her bunny. This already was new to me, I had expected her to start crying. After about ten minutes of this, she fell asleep and slept two hours!

This works 9 out of 10 times and she often sleeps 2,5-3 hours. It’s unbelievable and a total gamechanger for me: I now get things done around the house. Many sleep guides wake up babies to stick to a routine, but I prefer not to. Although with two other kids to be picked up from school, I don’t always have a choice.

At 6 months and 2 weeks, I put Phoebe to bed like this three times a day. I check the clock when she wakes and 1h20 mins later I start preparing her for her next nap. I try to time feedings in the middle of those awake times. After a few weeks she started giving me cues that it was time to get her ready for bed herself! And now when I put her to bed she immediately grabs her bunny and paci and falls asleep.

Her last nap of the day, often doesn’t catch on (maybe because the kids are home then?) and putting her to bed for the night, also only works by nursing her to sleep. The nights still vary but I’m convinced they will follow. So it’s a work in progress but during the day we’ve got a very happy mom and baby here!

Routine

I always do exactly the same when I prepare Phoebe for bedtime:

New diaper downstairs and undress, keep on babysuit

Go into our bedroom (she sleeps there) and close blinds together

Put her on our bed and put on her sleeping bag, softly caress her tummy and slow movements

Put her in bed and give her bunny in one hand and paci in the other.

I tried to get Phoebe to take a paci because she was constantly sucking, but she only briefly used it. Now I just give it to her and she links it to sleeping. She fiddles with it as she falls asleep. The bunny stays in bed. When she wakes up we always say goodbye to it and she gets really excited.

Nursing pillow

A good tip I got myself is to make a crib cosier with a nursing pillow. Do this by your baby’s feet and not around her head (suffocation hazard). It will be reassuring for your baby to push her feet against the pillow.

Let me know how you get on with naps and general sleep habits on my Instagram account!