Give birth like a feminist

My sister recommended @deliciouslyella ‘s podcast “changing the birth narrative” to me and it was such an eyeopener! (Listen to it here) I’ve been thinking about it all day, so I want to share this with you.

I had three great deliveries. Were they what I had expected them to be, no, but did I have the feeling I was calling the shots? Yes. And often when I share my positive birth stories I get surprised responses. Many women I talk to are downright traumatized.

In this podcast Ella talks to @Millihill, author of “the positive birth book” and “give birth like a feminist”. (Two books I’m definitely getting!). They talk about how it’s such a shame that women are taught that giving birth is painful, horrendous, something you do screaming on your back (Millie blames Rachel from Friends). Us girls (and boys) are never truly taught about what a normal birth is like: it’s complication free and the pain peaks but is followed by peaceful intermissions in which you can actually feel quite powerful and it’s absolutely beautiful.

I must admit it was confronting to listen to at times: had I been to quick to get an epidural? Was it okay to have chosen a hospital birth? And that makes this talk so humble: both ladies ensure the listener all of those are okay. They aren’t making a case for medication free home births per se, they are inspiring women to take their deliveries into their own hands. Have confidence in your body, shoo away this fear that is imprinted in us modern women. This is one of the most important events in your life: if you don’t like the midwife at the hospital, ask for another one (can you do that? Sure you can!), if you don’t feel like pushing then wait, if you feel like walking to the cafetaria and getting something to drink, go!

So mommies to be, this is for you; a positive experience; I LOVED giving birth three times! It was the coolest thing ever. And no I didn’t tear and no I never pee my pants and yes sex is still fun (less in quantity but more in quality). So don’t be afraid, there is absolutely no reason to be.

Of course there can be complications and with my first two births I had to be induced for obstetric cholestasis at 37 weeks. I’m lucky to have an amazing OB Gyn, who answered all my questions before checking into hospital and left me the choice of how I wanted to go about it. Consequently, I have very fond memories of this rather medical birth. I was planning a medication free hospital birth and had attended yoga classes alone and with Bart and had met with my midwife for information on what happens when during child birth and right after (breastfeeding tips and such). So yes, there was disappointment. I felt sad that I hadn’t had the chance to let the baby come on its own and that I hadn’t been able to see what my body was capable of. But I was able to talk about this with the midwives and OB GYN during that particular night and also afterwards.

Amelia’s birth was copy-paste really. It was beautiful. Just as with Elliot I pulled her out onto my chest myself. I often get gross responses when I tell people that but for me it was amazing and just as I wanted it. I had an epidural those both times and although I hadn’t thought of getting one before the whole cholestasis story, I really enjoyed the experience. I felt no pain but perfectly felt when and how I had to push. The midwife and doctor made me feel like I was at the steering wheel and they were just there to assist.

Then there was Phoebe. I was so sure that this was going to be exactly the same as with her brother and sister that I didn’t even think about a birth plan. Until I passed that 37 week mark. I had never been pregnant for this long! I talked to my OBGYN about my worries; how would I recognize the start of labor? When was I expected in hospital? This was my third baby and I felt clueless. She listened to me and made suggestions. Don’t come to hospital too soon, go out for a walk, have an active day, then take a little nap if you can, try to distract yourself, keep moving. As you can tell my OBGYN and the hospital I gave birth at, are quite “natural” in their approach.

When I was 11 weeks pregnant with Phoebe I was told they had found an irregularity on my x-chromosome. One of the complications these women have are -random I know- extraordinary long and difficult deliveries. The doctor in genetics on the phone told me “extra assistance” would be required. My OBGYN was unphased as were the midwives really but I worried.
If you’d like details on Phoebe’s birth story, check out the blog and my instagram highlights but here’s the short version. I eventually stayed home until contractions were 3 minutes apart. I then called the maternity ward and waited another hour to leave for hospital. Until then everything had gone amazing, I felt so strong and proud! But the car ride there was intense. I had quickly read up on hypnobirthing and these tips and tricks had helped me but now the pain was so sharp and long, I couldn’t envision it pulling a away again like the wave I was picturing a contraction to be. That in combination with the expectation of a very long delivery made me decide to have an epidural. I had been having contractions for over ten hours and was only one cm more dilated than I had been that morning at the OBGYN’s. I wasn’t scared, I wasn’t disappointed , I felt excited to meet Phoebe and wanted to be there for her and the rest of my family- not exhausted and recovering from having gone way over my limits… This was my third, I knew what difficult job lay ahead so I, very matter of fact, went for the epidural. And I loved every minute of the whole experience. Only when listening to this podcast this morning, I felt like maybe I had missed the opportunity to push through (pun intended :)) Maybe next time… now I’ve got my husband worried!
I wonder what your experiences were like. Feel free to share on instagram!